A Vicar and his friend, Colin were playing golf. Colin misses a 3 foot putt and yells, “Goddamn it, missed the bugger!” and the vicar says, “If you keep saying that then God will punish you.” Next hole Colin misses a 2 foot p...
Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex. Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared. Tags: funread, interesting, haha, best, awesome, amazing, jokes
“Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?” asked Jane’s best friend. “Why shouldn’t I?” Jane inquired. “Well, maybe he is having an affair?” “No way, h...
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after ...
So far today, God, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I’m really glad about that. But in a few minutes, God, I’m going t...
For the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her pastor to tell him, “I’m so scared! Joe says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.” “Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, more than a litt...
A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive...
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No wind...
A travelling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, “Little boy, is your mother home?” Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What...
Gore and Bush were in a restaurant ordering brunch. The waitress asks Gore what he would like to order. After looking at the menu, Al says, “I would like Eggs Benedict.” The waitress says, “Fine, and what will you have Governor Bush...
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.” “What do you mean,” he replied, “I’m only 45, in the...
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. “Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let&...
“And so one of the areas where I think the average Russian will realize that the stereotypes of America have changed is that it’s a spirit of cooperation, not one-upmanship, that we now understand one plus one can equal three, as opposed t...
To prove it isn t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Tags: ...
An Elderly Couple Came Back From a Wedding… An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, “I remember when ...
Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have t...
One day, a man went to a flower shop. He wanted to know what he should get his wife for their anniversary. The owner pulled out a bird and said, “His name’s Chet. Light a match under his left leg and he sings Happy Anniversary. Light a mat...
what did the candle say to the other candle?: are you going out to night Tags: allcrazy, funread, laugh, funny, silly, awesome, humor
An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed the blindfold an...
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?” “Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychologi...
Two guys draw up to traffic lights, one in a Mini and the other in a Rolls Royce. The guy in the Mini winds down his electric windows, not to be outdone the Rolls driver winds his down in reply. The Mini driver then presses a button to unwind his sun...
I don’t know if you know this but they are now selling Kosher computers (Made in Israel) called DELLSHALOM. It is selling at such a good price that I bought one. Mine arrived yesterday. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you ...
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of...
The teacher was having a creative writing lesson in her English class. She put a brick on her desk and asked children to tell her what came into their minds when thy saw this brick. Billy said “I think about my dad. He is a construction worker....
Three brothers Neil, Jeb and Dubya, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard. “Come have a look over here”, says Neil, “It’s Obidiah Jones’ grave, God bless his ...
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronounciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked th...
George W. was visiting a Florida elementary school while a fifth grade class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr.Bush if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word “trage...
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails fo...
Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates! Yo mama aint so bad…she would give you the hair off of her back! Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray. It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she co...
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I...
A young man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.When his name was called late in the afternoon, hestood before the ju...
A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, “Honey, do you remember this?...
This 10 year old boy is skateboarding in the park he has a smoke hanging out his mouth he goes by a old man sitting on a park bench the old man notices this and says to the boy when did u start smoking the kid says at 7 and the kid says i ve also had ...
What do Skeletons say before eating? Bone Appetite. What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common? Both have blank expressions and are hollow inside. Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank? He was caught drinking on the job. Why do ...
Sid and Mundo were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. “Sid,” asked Mundo, “Are there any Jews in Mexico?” I don’t know,” Mundo replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Mundo...
Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon. Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida. Tags: joke, allcrazy, timewaster, haha, humour, interesting, comedy
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoo...
a kid asks his mum if he could shower with her as is it his birthday. the mum replies ok then but only thus one time. once they are both in the bath the boy asks mum whats that pointing at her privet part. that my garage the mum replies. and what are ...
There was a couple married for 40 years and on the 40th anniversary the wife saw the husband crying and she told him “honey i never knew that after 40 years you would still love me the same way you did 40 years ago”. The husband looks at ...
Chapter 1 - On the 6th day God made plans to create Chuck Norris, on the 7th day he decided to lay low. Chapter 2 - Moses didn’t part the Red Sea, Chuck Norris did… with his fist. Chapter 3 - Noah wouldn’t have let Chuck Norris ride ...
If you hear . . . “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…” If you ever said the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.” Your Jedi robe is camouflage. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of ...
A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.” “What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your father. I think he’s in ...
“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.” “I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied....
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth. A year passes, and only three people ...
Yo mama nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat! Yo mama nose so big that her neck broke from the weight! Tags: laugh, bored, funny, best, timewaster, humor, allcrazy jokes
A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she?s angry. She opens her purse and takes ou...
The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlis...
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordin...
Wife after returning from fishing trip with husband to neighbor: “I did everything all wrong again today — I talked too much and too loud. I used the wrong bait. I reeled in too soon and I caught more Tags: allcrazy, fun, humour, cool, ...
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see’s her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress’s quickly and goes to find him. The son see’s...
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